When You're Overcommitted

I have entirely too much to do—but I don’t see anything that can give.”

“I’m tired of overcommitting myself, but if I don’t do it, it won’t get done.”

“I feel like I’m the one holding everything.”

I hear some version of these sentences almost daily.

What’s important to name first is this:
This isn’t a priority problem.
And it’s usually not a time management problem either.

Most of the women saying these things are capable, responsible, and already doing a lot of mental triage. They’re not unaware—they’re exhausted from trying to keep everything standing.

That’s when we start to gently explore something else.

Sometimes what looks like overcommitment is actually a boundary issue.
And sometimes what looks like a boundary issue has much deeper roots in identity.

When Boundaries Become Another Role

Without realizing it, boundaries can turn into just one more thing to manage well.

We try to be:

• the woman who finally says no

• the one who protects her time

• the person who doesn’t overextend anymore

But when boundaries are built on pressure instead of clarity, they quietly collapse.

You set them…
Then explain them.
Then justify them.
Then resent them.

Not because you’re weak—but because you’re still asking roles to do the work of identity.

Identity Is the Source, Not the Strategy

Boundaries are not meant to create clarity.
They’re meant to express it.

When you’re grounded in who you are, decisions simplify.
Not because life gets easier—but because you stop negotiating with yourself at every turn.

You don’t ask:
“Can I afford to say no?”
You ask:
“Is this aligned with who I am?”

That shift changes everything.

Why Saying No Feels So Personal

When identity is misplaced, every boundary feels like a risk.

• Saying no feels like disappointing someone.

• Rest feels like falling behind.

• Space feels like selfishness.

That’s not a boundary problem.
That’s an identity load problem.

If who you are is tied to being reliable, capable, or the one who holds it all together, boundaries will always feel threatening—even when they’re healthy.

The Question Beneath the Overcommitment

Before adjusting your calendar or your commitments, there’s a quieter question worth asking:

Who am I afraid of letting down right now?

Often, the answer isn’t another person.
It’s an internal role that’s been running the show for a long time.

And when that role loosens its grip, boundaries stop feeling like walls.
They start feeling like wisdom.

A Steadier Way Forward

This isn’t about becoming more rigid or more assertive.
It’s about becoming more rooted.

Rooted people don’t have to defend their boundaries.
They live from them.

And that kind of clarity doesn’t come from willpower.
It comes from slowing down enough to listen.

If boundaries feel harder than they should right now, that’s not failure.
It’s information.

A Gentle Next Step

These are the conversations I get to have every day with my clients—quiet, clarifying conversations that help untangle identity from responsibility.

If you’d like space for that kind of clarity, you can grab time on my calendar here.