What If You're Asking the Wrong Question? | Becoming Transformation
What If You're Asking the Wrong Question?
Have you ever noticed how quickly your mind can turn a simple moment into a story about who you are?
That exact thing happened to me recently.
I was getting ready to facilitate the Becoming Collective and opened my iPad to pull up a document I knew I'd downloaded. Except...I couldn't find it. As I tapped through folders, I heard myself saying positive things like, "Technology is my friend," while silently wondering why I couldn't get organized.
Then came the familiar thoughts. "You're not prepared." "You should have figured this out before now." It all happened in less than a minute. Looking back, I wasn't actually stressed about finding a document. I was stressed because I'd started believing a story about myself. Thankfully, the dear friend hosting the event looked at me and simply said,
"You do this every month."
That was it. One sentence. She wasn't solving my problem. She wasn't giving me advice. She wasn't criticizing me. She was reminding me of something I'd forgotten in the moment.
Of course I was prepared. I'd led the Becoming Collective before. I had spent time planning. I knew what I wanted to share. I just couldn't find one file for a few seconds.
Somehow, my brain had turned, "I can't find the document," into, "I'm not prepared." Those are two very different statements. But I hadn't stopped long enough to notice the difference.
The Stories We Stop Questioning
I wonder how often we do that? Not just with missing documents, but with everyday life. Something doesn't go as planned. Someone doesn't respond to a text. We make a mistake. We feel uncertain.
Before we know it, we've attached meaning to the event.
"I'm behind."
"I'm not enough."
"I always do this."
"I should have it figured out by now."
The event is real. The meaning...
Well, sometimes we create that part without even realizing it.
(If you've read my article The Event Is Real. The Meaning Is Up to You, you'll recognize this pattern. It continues to surprise me how often we do this.)
Maybe We're Asking the Wrong Question
When I couldn't find my document, the question quietly running in the background wasn't, "Where did I save it?"
It had become, "Why am I so unprepared?"
Our minds are remarkably good at answering the questions we ask. If I ask, "Why am I so unprepared?" my brain immediately starts collecting evidence. But what if that's the wrong question?
What if a better question is,
"How true is that?"
Or...
"What story am I telling myself right now?"
One question leads to shame. The other leads to curiosity. That's a very different path.
This Is Why We Need Other People
One of the reasons I value coaching—and trusted friendships—is because we all have stories we stop questioning. Sometimes we carry them for so long that they begin to feel like facts. It's hard to notice the backpack you're wearing while you're wearing it.
That's why another perspective matters. Not because someone else has all the answers. Because sometimes they ask—or say—the one thing that helps us see what we've been missing. My friend didn't tell me how to organize my iPad. She simply interrupted the story I was believing. Sometimes that's all it takes.
Better Questions Help Us Travel Lighter
Over the years, I've noticed that the biggest shifts in my own life haven't usually come from finding better answers. They've come from asking better questions.
Questions like...
How true is that?
What am I assuming?
What else could be true?
Is this a fact...or is it a story I've been telling myself?
Those questions don't make life's challenges disappear. But they often loosen the grip of the narratives we've been carrying.
(If you've ever found yourself carrying expectations, comparison, or assumptions that aren't really yours, you might enjoy reading What Are You Carrying? It was the beginning of this conversation about traveling lighter.)
Before You Go...
Here's the question I'm carrying with me this week.
What story have I stopped questioning?
Not because I need to judge myself for believing it. Simply because curiosity creates space. And sometimes, that little bit of space is enough to help us see differently. Maybe that's where freedom begins.
Continue the Conversation
If this article gave you something to think about, I'd love to continue the conversation each Monday through Mindset Monday. Every week I share 3 thoughts, 2 quotes, and 1 reflection question to help you travel lighter and become all you were created to be.
And one more thought...
If one thoughtful question in a five-minute article helped you see something differently, imagine what an hour of intentional coaching might make possible. That's the gift of coaching. Not because I have the answers. But because often another person can help you notice the story you've stopped questioning.
If you're curious what that kind of conversation could look like, I'd love to walk alongside you.
